Misery Loves Company, Aug. 6

Hawaiian Hotels Cut Staff, Sends Others to Exotic Vacations in Midwest

“It’s ridiculous,” said professional ukelele instructor, Pombo Ka’anali’i. “I usually only winter in Schenectedy and now I’m being forced to go there and deal with all that heat and sun.”

Weyerhauser Chops 1,500 Jobs, People Confused it with Wienerschnitzel

The cuts in paper and container workers will help the company go back to their truly profitable center where there’s tons of job security — logging.

Hynix Semiconductor Lays Off 1,400 in Eugene, Ore., Workers Go Back to Being White Trash

“It was only a matter of time before I went back to selling meth,” said engineer McGinty McCrank.